A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 9th of August, 2016, is this young man's birthday. Though it was fourteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!
What will the name of this young man be?
What will the name of this young man be?
== >PEPE DICKBUTT?
It seems you’ve mistaken this young man with a few popular internet memes. Try again.
== > STEVEN SAXON?
Bingo!
Your name is STEVE. As was previously mentioned it is your BIRTHDAY. A number of OPENED PRESENTS are scattered about your room. You have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a passion for SHITTY 80’S COMICS. You like to play video games but you are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. You have a fondness for SHITTY FAKE SWORDS, and are an aspiring KHAKI COLLECTOR. You also like to travel sometimes.
What will you do?
What will you do?
> Steve: pack your school textbooks
Good thing you remembered those! That would have sucked. Not that it hasn’t absolutely happened before, of course.
You stow the HISTORY TEXTBOOKS and SCHOOL ACCESSORIES on one of your CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS in your SYLLADEX.
You still aren't totally sure what that means, but you are starting to get the hang of the vernacular at least. It definitely stores things.
You have two empty CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS remaining. The other one is already occupied by your LAPTOP.
You still aren't totally sure what that means, but you are starting to get the hang of the vernacular at least. It definitely stores things.
You have two empty CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS remaining. The other one is already occupied by your LAPTOP.
> Steve: read note on drawer.
“Happy Birthday Bro! I’m so proud of you”
It’s written on FLORAL STATIONERY. Only one person in the house uses stationary like this!
Besides the note is a SMALL WRAPPED PRESENT. Better stash that away for later, you’re running late. After that, you have one empty CAPTCHALOGUE CARD remaining.
You decide to grab your PHONE and just hold it. There’s no time for CAPTCHALOGUE TOMFOOLERY.
> Steve: Squawk like an imbecile and shit on your desk.
This is the dumbest idea you've had in weeks!!!
STUPID STUPID STUPID.
And yet the polished surface of your desk...
It beckons.
> Steve: head downstairs.
You head into the hallway and nearly trip over another STRAY CAKE.
You’re gonna have to have a word with your PESKY BROTHERS when you get back.
You hear a notice from your PHONE. Someone is messaging you.
> Steve: examine incoming messages.
You pull out your PHONE. This is where you spend most of your time, besides your LAPTOP. You decorated your home screen with some rather handsome WALLPAPER which you made yourself. You are really proud of it.
(it’s a bunch of REALISTIC BIRDS WEARING THE SUITS FROM THE POPULAR VIDEO GAME DESTINY. Your finest work, honestly.)
Your home screen is also littered with various USELESS APPS. You should really clean those up some time.
Your PESTERCHUM application is flashing. Someone is trying to get in touch with you.
> Steve: Open pesterchum.
Only one of your CHUMS has logged on. She’s sent you a message.
> Steve: Open message.
-- plantFiesta [PF] began pestering straightSqwawker [SS] at 8:45 --
PF: DUDE what FUCKN SWEET LOOT did you rake in???
SS: Hi rui
PF: TELL ME THE DEETS
SS: It was good! Got some video games, posters, a t-shirt, all that good shit.
SS: Haven’t opened chrys’ present yet
SS: Dunno if i was supposed to open everything yet my mom might’ve wanted to take pics
PF: ooooh SWEET
PF: what video games???
SS: Until dawn, firewatch, good stuff
PF: dude i fucking LOVE until dawn
PF: but you didn’t get the beta yet?
SS: Um
SS: Nnnnooo i dont think so
PF: FUCK
SS: Maybe its downstairs?
SS: Dont we have school??
PF: FUCK
> Steve: Look out window.
You see the view of your yard from your window.
Hanging from the tree is your TIRE SWING. In a kid's yard, a tree without a tire swing is like a proper gentleman without a monocle. That is to say, HE CAN HARDLY BE CONSIDERED A TERRIBLY PROPER GENTLEMAN AT ALL.
Hanging from the tree is your TIRE SWING. In a kid's yard, a tree without a tire swing is like a proper gentleman without a monocle. That is to say, HE CAN HARDLY BE CONSIDERED A TERRIBLY PROPER GENTLEMAN AT ALL.
You are your SIBLINGS used to have WILD SHENANIGANS on that swing.
And there beside your driveway is your OLDER BROTHER’S CAR.
> Steve: Examine car.
It appears you’re running late
Your BROTHER is looking impatiently up at the house, thrumming his fingers on the STEERING WHEEL.
You should really get going now.
You spend so much time in your room sometimes you feel like you are trapped in it. Stuck, if you will, in a sense which possibly borders on the titular.
And now your chum is pestering you again. The clockwork of friendship turns ceaselessly, operating the swing-lever dealies of harassment in perpetuity!
Whatever. The dude can just hold his damn horses.
Whatever. The dude can just hold his damn horses.
> Steve: Go downstairs.
You enter the LIVING ROOM, having safely traversed the dangers of the hallway.
On one wall hangs a picture of a fella who sure knows how to have a laugh, your very own GRANDFATHER. You always thought YOUR OLDER BROTHER looked exactly like him. But your BROTHER swears on the many HALLOWED TOMBS of Egypt that he doesn’t. You're not sure about that though.
On the other wall is one of your DAD'S WASTES OF SPACE. Or WATER COLOR PAINTINGS, as he is quick to correct anyone who would venture such brazen assumption.
> Steve: Run into the kitchen and grab something to eat!
No need, you already had a fucking fantastic breakfast of EGGS and CHURRO DOUGHNUTS.
There is something on the FAMILY ROOM TABLE, though.
> Steve: Inspect package.
Oh SHIT is this what you think it is?
Hands shaking, you turn the package to read who it’s made out to.
Dammit.
It’s your mom’s vitamins.
She buys them in bulk for everyone, but you know for a FACT that exactly four people in this house ever use them.
With a family of EIGHT, that’s a bit of an issue.
> Steve: Quick! Someone’s behind you!
OH MY GOSH WHAT IS IT oh it’s just Chrys.
> [S] STRIFE!
What? No! What the fuck is wrong with you, that’s your little sister.
Besides, no one here has the budget for an honest to God flash animation. What do you think this is, MS Paint Adventures?
Yeah, didn’t think so.
> Exit the house with Chrys.
The streets are empty. Wind skims the voids keeping neighbors apart, as if grazing the hollow of a cut reed, or say, a plundered mailbox. A familiar note is produced. It's the one Desolation plays to keep its instrument in tune.
It is your fourteenth birthday, and as with all thirteen preceding it, something feels missing from your life. The game presently eluding you is only the latest sleight of hand in the repertoire of an unseen riddler, one to engender a sense not of mirth, but of lack. His coarse schemes are those less of a prankster than a common pickpocket. His riddle is Absence itself. It is a mystery dispersing altogether, like the moon's faint reflection, with even one pebble of inquiry dropped in its black well. It is the most diabolical riddle of all.
"Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire." -Walt Whitman
Yes, you are certain Walt Whitman said that. One hundred percent positive.
You have a feeling it's going to be a long day.
> Steve: Get in the car and go to school.
Yeah. You have a feeling it’s going to be a long day.
Chrys reminds you that the BETA will probably be waiting for you when you get home.
Well, still.
You could do without the school. You briefly wish that you never had to go to school ever again. That’ll probably never happen, though. Not for a very long while, at least.
this may have gotten a little out of hand
happy first day without homestuck day im in denial
THIS IS SO GOOD AND UR WRITING FOR IT IS RLLY RLLY SPOT-ON, I LOVE IT, KEEP GOING
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